Is that a trick question?
Or an unsolvable riddle?
When that query—or any variation of it—is aimed at you, it can feel like you’re being backed into a no-win corner—as if there is no safe, honest way to respond without falling into a trap, triggering racial trauma, or breaking a code nobody bothered to explain to you beforehand. And there’s no way for you to accurately describe a more complex, nuanced, and inclusive way of being in the world without being further interrogated, criticized, judged, insulted, demeaned, disrespected, or cancelled altogether.
The presumption behind this question, or any variation of asking whether someone is, “identifies as,” or “considers themselves” this or that, Mixed or monoracial, is that Mixed folks are limited to the either / or of this binary-based premise.
But. We. Are. Not.
Regardless of our Mix(es), how we identify and move through various environments is rarely so one-dimensional. It’s not always so cut-and-dried. And the people who try to parse our Mixedness by limiting their perceptions of us to their own racial / ethnic myopia might get their feelings hurt when we refuse to play along.
See, I am a Mixed-Black #BLEWISH African American. That is just one of many ways that I describe myself, my Ancestry, and my racial / cultural affinity and allegiance. This is how I identify. That doesn’t make it or me better, or “right” or “more correct.” It simply means that these are the terms that I currently use to most accurately represent my being and my journey, my total truth. And while the terms might vary, the essence of who I am never wavers even the tiniest bit.
And I support all of the ways that Mixed folks choose to identify, and to describe themselves. Even if those choices are in direct opposition to mine.
Why?
Because we are not a monolith, and there is no right or wrong way to “be” Mixed. AND because when one is rooted, grounded, strong, and confident in their identity, they have no need to try to identity police anyone else. This goes for everyone, BTW.
What I DON’T subscribe to is the relatively new dynamic of the people in any group who suggest—or even insist—that we’re confined to this form of categorization or restricted by how others might view or consider us.
The very presence of the word “OR” suggests an adherence to the limits of a racial / ethnic binary that narrows our options without considering the realities of how we actually live our gloriously multifaceted Mixed lives.
Let’s look at how this is showing up in many spaces today.
I’ve been seeing people of all races—including Mixed—who express the following views of how Mixed-Black folks “can” identify:
Theory 1: It is anti-Black to say you’re Mixed instead of just saying you’re Black. Why are you calling attention to or prioritizing your Mixedness over your Blackness? That is just a way to flex your Mixed / Light-skinned Privilege and say that you’re better than (monoracial) Black people.
Theory 2: It is anti-Black to say you’re Black. Mixed / Biracial people aren’t Black. Your appearance probably isn’t the same as a monoracial Black person, and experiences are definitely not the same. Therefore, you insult actual Black people when you identify as Black.
Theory 3: It is anti-Mixed to say you’re Black. This is a form of self-hatred and any Mixed person who describes themselves as Black and not Mixed is a traitor to Mixed people and their own Mixed self.
Each of these theories place both Mixed-Black and monoracial Black people and identities in a no-win “battle” as adversaries, diametrically opposed to each other while cancelling each other out rather than considering the admittedly messy but more authentic realities of how we actually live.
The false dichotomies presented by these “either / or” binary limitations are rooted in and driven by the avoidance of a simple, uncomfortable fact: WE EXIST! And by existing we naturally challenge some of the rules, laws, policies, and notions of the societies into which we’re born. Some of us simply cannot and will not be crammed into the one-dimensional confines of binary-based “choices.”
I am never not Mixed. I am never not all of the factors that comprise my sum. I am never not Black. My Mixedness and my Blackness do not exist in isolation, or in opposition to each other. They are aspects of my synthesis. And while the strands of my specific Ancestry don’t always make sense to or seem possible to others, they have always made sense to me. And thus, they are as legitimate, as valid, and as viable as they need to be. Periodt.
I say all that to say THIS…
To my fellow Mixies: You do not have to let anyone limit your sense of options or project their limitations onto your identity or journey. NOBODY has the right to limit, control, define, or challenge your experiences, your realities, or your sense of self. I encourage you to speak up, stand up, raise your hand up for YOUR truth and express it unapologetically.
To monoracial folks: If you are inclined to pose such false choices to Mixed folks, please STOP. Right now. Rather than trying to force them into a binary-driven “either / or” trick bag, take a listen and allow each Mixed person space to express their chosen truth(s). Take advantage of the opportunity to widen your perspective and get up with the current times. Or if that’s too much for you, then simply opt out of engaging in the first place. Please and thankyou!
This is just one of the many ways in which our world is far too complex to reduce anyone’s identities to the lowest common denominator. Give up the idea of your “comfort zone”—those simply don’t exist anymore. And that’s a good thing, because while we all long for the relief of those zones, that is not where we are able to learn, to mature, and to evolve. And isn’t that the real reason we spiritual beings are here stumbling through this human experience together in the first place?
The more we know, the more we grow. And it ain’t always easy, but it is ALWAYS worth it.
A luta continua, babies. Let’s decolonize Mixedness—one conversation at a time!
Love this so much I restacked, (even though I'm Mexican/Hispanic/Latina, and not Black) I embrace "ALL, AND, as well as BOTH, AND". Thank you for this (and thanks to Raina LaGrand for referring me to your Substack) 💥
Why do people have to categorize anyway? or label?
BTW, the first young man is gorgeous in any category! :)