Cracking the 'Belonging' Code for Mixed Folks
And the upcoming retreat to help heal
It’s no mistake or coincidence that one of the dominant narratives from and about Mixed-race folks is that we struggle to find and feel a sense of belonging.
This struggle can encompass family, community, the cultures of our ancestries, and / or the cultures we are born into or grow up within. There are many contributing factors all wrapped up in the synthesis of our DNA ancestries; our biological parentage; our physical appearance; the geography of where we’re born, grow up, and travel; and our cultural exposures, influences, and the allegiances we form along the way.
Yeah it’s complex because WE are collectively perhaps one of the most diverse and complex groups in the United States.
And these complexities absolutely complicate our experiences with belonging.
I first became aware of how widespread this dynamic is while interacting in Mixed groups on social media. One of the unifying narratives across our various mixes, generations, locations, and experiences was the recurring message that “This is the first time I’ve ever been in a group of other Mixed people. It feels amazing!”
Indeed, beyond school-based affinity groups for Mixed folks on some high school and college campuses, there haven’t been many such spaces. For years, there was a dynamic Mixed Remixed Festival held biannually in Los Angeles (prayers still up for that area), but it no longer exists.
The idea that so many Mixed folks have never before felt that collective kind of gathering experience centered around Mixedness is a powerful reminder that public awareness in the USA around Mixed-race people, our identities, and ways of moving through the world, are very new. The ongoing public attention and conversations we’re seeing now have been happening for a little more than a decade.
I’m delighted that these conversations and Mixed affinity spaces are growing, just as the Multiracial population in the USA is predicted to grow. EVERY individual and EVERY group deserve recognition, respect, and the power of connection among people with similar and relatable experiences.
What are some challenges to Mixed folks feeling that they belong? Here are my top 5:
Being born into and growing up in an inherently race-obsessed and racist system that codifies identities to maintain its unequal status quo
The racial and racist binary that the USA is built upon which pits people of different races and ethnicities against each other based on an allegiance to an Either / Or mindset versus All / And. We’re biologically and culturally at odds with our own country!
Monoracially-identified people who refuse to recognize, respect, or accept Mixed folks in our entirety. These people can be our own blood kin, strangers, colleagues, friends, or even folks in positions of authority. Because of the history of some specific races mixing in this nation, the very existence of Mixed folks is viewed as threatening to any status quo.
Identity policing. Most Mixed folks have been identity policed, not only by monoracially identified people, but sometimes most intensely by other Mixed folks! Yes it’s crazy, but it’s also understandable. My theory is that those who aren’t secure in their own identities compensate by policing other folks’ identities.
Cultural gatekeeping. While the rise in Black Americans “refusing” admittance to Mixed Black folks is very new (and most prevalent in younger generations), it’s been happening for a while in Asian and some Indigenous Native American spaces. Often folks with these groups in their Mixes are told they don’t qualify, can’t belong, and aren’t welcome in these spaces. It will be interesting to see whether this intensifies or dies down as Mixed populations continue to grow.
Here's to the continued growth of Mixed spaces—online and in real life. We deserve the opportunities to feel a sense of belonging. To not be othered, exoticized, or fetishized for a change. To not have our very beings challenged, policed, insulted, or denied. To not be denigrated, ridiculed, or outright rejected because we don’t fit neatly into the narrow confines of a myopic society.
Look out USA: ready or not, here we come. And we’re affirming our multifaceted—sometimes inconvenient—truths every step of the way!
Speaking of belonging, the wonderful Raina LaGrand of Root to Rise Somatics is an expert on the topic, with an upcoming Belonging Retreat just for Mixed folks!
Check out Raina and the Belonging Retreat!
Hello. I’m Raina LaGrand of Root to Rise Somatics.
I coined the term, 'the belonging wound' to describe the deeply held protective patterns and insecurities around identity and belonging that many mixed people experience.
But here's what I want all mixed people struggling with belonging to know:
You are not broken!
You are not a lost cause.
You can have belonging.
Belonging is your body's natural state. The trauma and racism you've endured is just clouding it out.
Being in relationship with your body is how you reconnect to the felt sense of belonging. And how you learn how to find it on the outside.
And that's exactly what we'll be exploring in Held, Inside and Out: my upcoming online half-day belonging retreat just for mixed folks.
Join us on Sunday, February 9th from 12-3 ET (that's 9-12 PT) for this donation-based/pay-what-you-can gathering.
I'll be walking you all through some belonging practices I've been curating and/or developing over the last couple of years. I'm so looking forward to sharing them with you.
Thank you for reading and supporting Mixed Auntie Confidential. Exciting new announcements coming SOON!
