Hey, 'Mixed Auntie'--Who Are You Anyway?

A Peek at the Person(ality) Behind These Posts

Fam,

First: THANK YOU for reading and subscribing to Mixed Auntie Confidential! I deeply appreciate your precious time, attention, and support.

If you’re a new subscriber, haven’t read my memoir, and / or don’t know me in real life, you might wonder: Who is the TaRessa behind “Mixed Auntie” anyway?

Here’s a quick intro based on the most common FAQs I get on the regular:

Q: What ARE you?

A: Okay, FIRST of all: I’m not a ‘what.’ I’m a ‘who.’ A human being just like you! Now that we’ve clarified that, here’s the cheat code to my ancestry, cultural affinity, and perplexing physical appearance.

My dad was a Black American. My mom was Jewish, a first generation American-born Ashkenazi / Mizrahi mix. I grew up hearing frequent references to some potential non-specific Indigenous Native American ancestry on my father’s side but have no verified information about that lineage on practical or spiritual levels. So, I shout it out to be inclusive—just in case.

Fact is that EVERYONE has different assumptions and presumptions about Mixed-Black folks, right? To save time, I like to let folks know that while I honor my Ancestry and my Mixedness, I am culturally, socially, and politically Black. African American. My perspective is grounded in that, along with full awareness of how my background and appearance impacts my movement through the world and interactions with others.

Q: Where are you from?

A: I was born and reared in Seattle, Washington when my parents’ marriage was illegal, before Black people had full voting rights, while Jim Crow ruled the South and showed up barely disguised in the North and Pacific Northwest. While I lived in the very Multiracial pre-gentrified Central Area / Colored District, I integrated white schools for most of my educational career.

Q: So, identity-wise, are you saying you’re closer to your Black side?

A: I don’t have “sides.” My identity is not based on numbers, percentages, or anyone’s geometric fantasies. I am the synthesis of my Ancestral lineage. My connection to Blackness is organic—I was born with this identity. Growing up in a community that was predominantly Black and Mixed-Black provided the context and frame of reference for the way I view myself and the world.

Q: What does your DNA test say?

A: I fully understand and appreciate the value of these tests for folks who choose to take them. But I’ve never felt the need. One, because I know enough about my identity to feel grounded and confident. Two, because I don’t put much stock in those companies’ methods of “determining” the origins of those who send in their saliva—feels too much like the ways that people guess, assume, or assign me identities based on what I look like, ya know? And three, because I’m wary of what ANY of those companies might do with my DNA.

And as far as my African origins, I regularly commune with my Ancestors / Angelcestors™ and they told me which three African countries—two on my dad’s side, and one on my mom’s—are reflected in my DNA. So I’m good.

Q: If you’re so Black-identified why do you call attention to your Mixedness?

A: Great question! Mainly, because most people from ALL backgrounds find me VERY racially ambiguous looking, they approach me with curiosity, confusion, questions, and / or assumptions. I’ve learned that proactively explaining myself saves time, energy, and miscommunication on both sides. It also helps to protect my peace!

I also mention it because I acknowledge that my experiences aren’t necessarily the same as Black people who don’t have Mixed backgrounds and / or phenotypically “ambiguous” appearances. Therefore, I don’t routinely “center” my Mixedness, especially in Black or BIPOC spaces but if the topic comes up, I might speak on it, especially if I can contribute something useful to the conversation. If not, I simply say less.

Fact is, I am never not Mixed and I am never not Black. #SYNTHESIS

I AM quick to chime in whenever I can address or counter some of the popular myths, stereotypes, and assumptions about Mixed-race folks.

Q: What terms do you use to describe your identity?

A: As a child it was simple: I just said “Mixed,” and in the neighborhood, everyone knew what that meant. As I grew and spent time in other spaces, with strangers pressing me to clarify my ancestry and allegiance, I explained that I was “Black with a Jewish mom.” As a teen, I went through a “Militant Mulatto” phase (though I’m not technically Mulatto) in search of a term that reflected all of my Ancestors and acknowledged both my Black identity and my mother. For most of my adult life, I’ve used some form of “Mixed-Black,” or “Multiracial Black.” For specificity, I sometimes use “Blewish,” (though being Mixed is just one of the many ways to be Blewish).

In any case, my desire is ALWAYS to acknowledge and honor, and never to deny or disrespect any of my ancestry OR my cultural affinities. And while my terminology may vary due to the context or conversations I’m in—or according to my mood—my identity is always very consistent and completely intact.

Q: Do you think you have light-skinned privilege?

A: That is SUCH a strange question to me, but I’m told that many light-skinned folks claim not to be aware of that privilege, which I call LSP. As I said to the first person who asked me that question: I don’t THINK I have LSP. I KNOW that I have it. And not only do I have it, but I have the VIP version simply because I am very light-skinned with “that” hair.

I have long been personally and professionally committed to speaking up and, where possible, taking action against colorism over the years. I’ve been featured in an Emmy Award-winning documentary and leading books on the topic, and I co-edited and co-authored a fiction anthology around healing from colorism.

These days, I’m working to create content that helps us better understand and navigate what I call The Color Complex—built on and fueled by colorism and impacting so many of us in deeply profound and often traumatic ways.

The question I live with and would like all of us with LSP to consider is how we are using this form of currency to fight racism. Used wisely and strategically, it can be a powerful weapon for good.

Q: Why are you always talking / writing / pontificating about issues related to Mixed identity and colorism?

A: Doing this work is central to my life purpose and reflects my belief that communicating is essential for us to grow, heal, and help each other evolve around these issues. I was fortunate to learn at an early age that this is what I was put here to do. And I try to be obedient to my Ancestors / Angelcestors™ and guides.

Q: Who are you beyond these topics?

A: I’m a lifelong writer who considers myself a cultural worker rather than an artist. As a multi-hyphenate creator before it was trendy, I’ve worked for decades in strategic communications, marketing, and media dynamics. These days in addition to my own work, I coach others in writing, marketing, and career development, and am a thought partner to activists, advocates, and influencers.

On the personal tip, I’m the mother of an adult son and daughter—who are both acclaimed writers, published authors, and multi-platform creators. I am currently Cat Mom to a pair of bossy, bourgie diva felines who keep me on point!

And if you’d like to know more, please feel free to enjoy my memoir, SWIRL GIRL: Coming of Race in the USA, which earned rave reviews and 5 stars on Amazon and Goodreads. Check it out HERE!

And speaking of Mixed-race folks, I’m honored to share the wonderful Raina LaGrand’s groundbreaking BELONGING series. Check it out—the next session starts Sunday, March 30!

As Raina says:

• Belonging is your birthright. Your body's natural state.

• Belonging is a feeling. Belonging is a state of satisfaction. It generates a felt sense of wholeness.

• Belonging allows for us to be multiple things.

• Belonging is not just something we receive or earn. We also participate in shaping what belonging looks and feels like and who has access to it.

You can build your capacity to shape belonging for yourself and others. We need that, especially right now.

Belonging Building Blocks starts next Sunday 3/30! Learn more and sign up HERE!