The good news: for the first time in USA history Mixed-race people are being recognized as an entity. With that comes the first ongoing public conversations about how we look, live, and identify.
Until recently, many of these conversations have been started and dominated by people who aren’t Mixed but feel the need to analyze, judge, and criticize us while constantly policing our identities. Often, we’re ridiculed, gaslit, or insulted when we DO speak up in those convos. And sometimes we’re gatekept out altogether, despite the fact we’re the topic of discussion!
These conversations reveal a few popular myths about us Mixed folks that are being promoted as truth. What’s clear is that while some folks are trying to figure us out, they’re viewing and processing us through the limitations of the racial binary and the lenses of their identities. While that’s understandable, it makes it impossible for them to truly understand the multiplicity and complexities of our actual lives and the diverse ways that we move through the world.
Here are 5 Popular Myths About Mixed People That Need to be Busted Right Now!
A Mixed person’s identity is determined by their appearance—periodt
This notion is too simplistic to ever be taken seriously. Our appearances are incredibly diverse and don’t always appear to “match” our actual ancestry OR the way(s) we racially / ethnically / culturally affiliate. Plus, so many of us are racially ambiguous looking that we’re often mistaken for groups to which we have no connection.
The popular rationale for this is that we’ll be treated the way that society sees us. But too many of us are viewed differently by various groups for this to be widely applicable.
For instance, if my identity were determined by “how society sees me,” I’d be Puerto Rican, Cuban, Chicana, Filipina, Chinese, Korean, Samoan, Native Alaskan, Middle Eastern North African, Trinidadian, Greek, Brazilian, white, or Creole. Outside of my Jewish Moroccan grandfather, I have no DNA connection to ANY of those groups.
So no, my appearance or phenotype does NOT impact or determine my identity. I am what I am no matter how others view me. As I taught my (racially ambiguous looking) children, “What people think you are has less to do with your reality than where they’ve lived or traveled. They’ll try to cram you into whatever identity you match in their heads.”
2. Mixed identity always matches Ancestry
There are many factors that impact the ways Mixed folks identify. Some of our identities absolutely reflect part or all of our Ancestry. But there are many Mixed folks who identify with groups or cultures that aren’t in their bloodlines.
Why is this? Some of us grow up exposed to cultures outside of our Ancestral lines, and that impacts how we identify. Others feel connected to our connections of origin, but form our identities based on connections to other cultures.
This is particularly common in the case of Third Culture Individuals, described by Wikipedia as “people who were raised in a culture other than their parents' or the culture of their country of nationality, and also live in a different environment during a significant part of their child development years.[1] They typically are exposed to a greater volume and variety of cultural influences than those who grow up in one particular cultural setting. [2]”
President Barack Obama is one example: he grew up primarily in Hawaii and Indonesia raised by his white American mother and her parents with little connection to his Kenyan father, his culture, or Black American culture overall. He has fashioned an African American identity that works for him.
There are also Mixed folks who don’t KNOW their Ancestry while growing up, so their identities and cultural affinities are shaped by other factors.
Mixed siblings who grow up together all identify in the same way
While I have yet to see quantitative research on this topic, my decades of lived experience and observation suggest that Mixed siblings often identify differently from each other.
I can’t say why that is, but if we look at how DNA, heredity and family dynamics impact individual identities overall, it’s easy to see how racial / ethnic identity aspects can vary.
The genetic roulette that creates such wide variety among people in general and Mixed folks in particular includes not only physical appearance and traits, but other aspects of personality, habits, tendencies, and identity expressions.
I’m not saying there aren’t ANY Mixed siblings who all identify the same way, but I grew up among LOTS of Mixed folks and there was more diversity than similarity in how siblings identified racially and culturally.
If anyone has valid quantitative evidence to the contrary, please enlighten me. But until then, let’s please retire this busted myth already!
It’s anti-Black to say you’re Mixed
Disclaimer: this myth is specific to those whose Mix includes Black. This is not meant to exclude other Mixes; it’s just a pervasive belief sowing unnecessary discord among Mixed-Black and Black folks that needs to be addressed.
This myth is super-new because it’s only in very recent years that Mixed-Black people in the U.S. have had Mixed / Biracial as a recognized category separate from Blackness—first on the Census and gradually in society.
Because the terminology is still in its infancy and these public conversations are so new, it’s easy for folks to rush to conclusions. One of these is the popular notion that a Mixed-Black person is denying, downplaying, or rejecting their Blackness by describing themselves as Biracial or Mixed.
As a Boomer, I grew up in a mostly-Black community with the cultural presumption of Black identity. Since I’ve always viewed myself as Black, that made life easier for me than if I hadn’t vibed that way. So, despite my light skin and super racially ambiguous appearance, I have always fully embraced my Mixed background and my Black identity.
But times have changed and these days, younger Mixed-Black AND Black Americans reject the “One Drop Rule” of presumed Blackness in favor of definitions and applications that are still evolving in real time. With real consequences for everyone involved.
Why do I say “Mixed” if I’m so Black-identified? Because I am so ambiguous looking, strangers pretty much ALWAYS ask, assume, (and sometimes want to argue) about my identity. Like many of us, I get “What are you?” pretty much all the time. First runner-up is “You’re ____________, right?” (They’re always wrong).
There was no stigma to growing up Mixed in Seattle back in the day. As a child, I was most commonly asked, “What are you Mixed with?” I always answered, “Black and Jewish with some Native American.” And that was that.
As I grew older and ventured beyond my neighborhood, the questions and reactions to my answers became more complex. But I have ALWAYS made it clear that I acknowledge and embrace my various ancestries. That does not change or diminish the fact that I am culturally and politically a Black American.
I say Mixed not only to honor my ancestry, but to acknowledge the realities of my upbringing. Also: I like what I am. Not because I feel superior or inferior to anyone else, but simply because this is how I was made, and it doesn’t make sense to feel bad about it. I also specify my heritage and cultural affinity because I prefer that people base their opinions of me on my actual identity rather than whatever identity they try to assign me.
I respond to the “What are you?” inquiry in ways that suit my mood, energy, and analysis of who is asking and why. So, when I respond with a simple “Black,” the reactions are quite extreme. The usual follow-up question is, “Yeah, but what else?” And when thousands of hours of your life and time are hijacked by people interrogating your identity, sometimes you choose responses that are the least draining and frustrating to you.
That is why I include Mixed in how I describe myself. Other Mixed folks have their reasons for their choices. Newsflash: we are not a monolith and acknowledging our Mixedness—whether or not it’s visible to others—does not automatically equal anti-Blackness, pro-Mixedness, or anything else. Hurling negative assumptions about each other simply sows seeds of discord that don’t serve anyone.
This myth requires and deserves to be dismantled via substantive two-way discussion between Mixed-Black and Black folks, the sooner, the better please.
The race of your mother determines how you identify
This is a super-new myth fueled by the combo of more Mixed celebrities in the spotlight and obsessive identity policing in the digital realm. Social media is littered with Black folks who aren’t Mixed (and some Mixed-Black folks) proclaiming this myth like it’s the gospel truth rather than a deeply flawed ethnocentric fantasy.
When it comes to Black / White Mixed folks, the trendy myth is that Black mother = Black identity. And vice-versa. One popular “comparison” is that of Mixed- Black actresses, Tracee Ellis Ross, and Rashida Jones.
Tracee’s mom is Diana Ross. Rashida’s mom is Peggy Lipton and her dad is Quincy Jones. Tracee looks more visibly Black and is often cast as Black or Mixed- Black. Rashida is more racially ambiguous-looking and has been cast as Latine, Italian, and Mixed-Black (including as Tracee’s TV sister on “Black-ish”).
This myth is popular mainly among Black women who are projecting their experiences being raised by Black mothers onto Mixed-Black folks.
But that theory doesn’t explain how Halle Berry, Alicia Keys, and other Mixed- Black celebs are reared by white moms but Black-identified. Or the fact that Meghan Markle grew up with a Black mom but hasn’t been as clear about embracing a Black identity. Is Lenny Kravitz more Black-identified than Drake? Or some of our finest Mixed-Black-with-white-mom creators whose work is very Black-centric: Jordan Peele, Nikole Hannah-Jones, Walter Mosley, Gina Prince- Bythewood, and Melissa Harris-Perry? (Feel free to insert your own examples here).
Point is: There are many Black / White Mixed folks who DO grow up with white moms in white environments with little exposure to Black anything during their childhoods. Yet many of them are Black identified.
And there are Black / White Mixed folks with Black moms who aren’t very Black identified at all. Another FACT folks miss is that lots of Black people who choose to partner and procreate with white folks aren’t necessarily all rah-rah about their own Black identity or features.
SOME (not all) Black parents swirl BECAUSE THEY WANT MIXED CHILDREN. They do not want children who are like them. This is NOT a judgment or criticism. It is a simple fact of life and ongoing conversation among Mixed folks in Mixed spaces.
Sadly, there’s a whole trend of Black / White Biracical folks on TikTok flexing on each other based on whether their mother is Black or white. And the popular shade: “Tell me you have a white mother without telling me you have a white mother,” recently thrown at Ginny by her Black auntie in the Netflix series “Ginny and Georgia.”
Thus, the presumption that a Black mother automatically equals a Mixed person who is more Black identified is, like all these myths, too weak and inconsistent to be valid. It’s also a reminder of how ethnocentric pride can make us myopic to the facts—a risk for people in all groups.
All this to say: with Mixed people as with all others, don’t fall for the okey-doke, even when it’s popular and presented as fact. Do your own research—and ASK some actual Mixed people. Then LISTEN to us. ACKNOWLEDGE our agency. RESPECT our truths. Let us share the actual factual diversity and nuance that we live, navigate, and represent. HONOR our inconvenient complexities, our choices, and our voices even if they challenge your beliefs or yank you out of your comfort zone.
Because these myths don’t ever help us understand each other, appreciate our differences, enhance our commonalities, or help us recognize our shared humanity. They just further divide us and cloud our vision, making it harder to unite and work for real change.
And that, my loves, is simply #FACTS.
I have spent an entire lifetime - including now - not knowing how to identify myself on forms and whatnot. I think, after reading your piece. I can, with some assurance, now embrace the identifier "mixed race". I keep hoping I'm correct in doing that as my skin color has been an issue all my life for one reason or another.
My maternal grandparents are classified as "Northern European / Wales / German" while my paternal grandparents are classified as "Spanish / Native Cuban" (although the DNA testing I had done referred to "Native Cuban" as "Native American").
As a child I was shunned by the white kids because of my "olive" (mom's word) wintertime skin that turned brown-as-could-be come sunshine but I equally shunned by the girls from "the islands" because I did not speak Spanish (a language my parents kept to themselves for the ability to communicate secretly).
So... technically? I'm hazarding that I'm mixed race.... (fingers kinda crossed)